“You know what? Maybe I’ll just stay single forever. Less laundry, no one stealing my blankets, and I can eat chips in bed without judgment.”
I said it half-joking, fully serious, as I reached for another handful of tortilla chips. My friend, swirling her wine, gave me the look. The kind of look that says, You know that’s not the real reason.
“Okay, but be honest,” she said. “If the perfect man walked into your life tomorrow, would you even have space for him?”
I rolled my eyes. “Of course! I’m independent, emotionally available, and totally open to love!”
Her eyebrow lifted. “Yeah… but are you really? Or is your life so full of you that there’s no room for two?”
And just like that, my confident little monologue started to crumble.
I had spent years telling myself I was ready for love. That I was open to it. That I was just waiting for the right person to show up. But when I actually looked at my life? My time was already spoken for. Between work, personal goals, and my own routines, I wasn’t waiting—I was fully booked. My independence was my identity. I had built a life where I didn’t need anyone. And if I didn’t need anyone, how was love supposed to fit in? I thought I was open, but deep down, I didn’t actually want to share my life. I wanted a relationship that didn’t disrupt my world, that didn’t require effort, that fit into my schedule, my plans, my way of doing things.
And yet, I had the audacity to wonder why love hadn’t arrived.
This is where most people get stuck. They say they want love. They think they’re ready. But if love actually knocked on their door today, it wouldn’t feel welcomed - it would feel squeezed into the gaps of their life.
They claim to be available, but their life screams:
- I only know how to function alone.
- I like my life exactly as it is - don’t ask me to change.
- I want love, but only if it’s easy and doesn’t require effort from me.
And here’s the part that stings: Love doesn’t just show up when you decide you’re ready. It shows up when you’ve made space for it. If you’re still structuring your world around one, don’t be surprised when love keeps passing you by.
I had to ask myself some hard questions. Do I genuinely have space for another person, or just the fantasy of them? Am I willing to make room for a partner, or do I just want someone who conveniently fits into my world? Am I emotionally available - or just emotionally occupied with my own self-sufficiency? Because love doesn’t fight for space. It doesn’t knock on the door of someone who isn’t prepared to open it.
𝐈𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐧’𝐭 𝐦𝐚𝐝𝐞 𝐬𝐩𝐚𝐜𝐞 - 𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲, 𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐩𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 - 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐢𝐬𝐧’𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐛𝐥𝐞𝐦.
So here’s your reality check: If you knew love was coming in six months, what would you start doing differently today?