(Yes, I said it.)
You’ve been taught that empathy is always good.
That understanding others makes you kinder.
More compassionate.
More “worthy” of connection.
But here’s what no one tells you:
Chronic empathy can be a trauma response.
You explain his bad behavior.
You excuse her broken promises.
You justify their disrespect.
Because if you can understand it…
you don’t have to feel how much it actually hurts.
You rationalize their actions -
and slowly abandon yourself in the process.
You tell yourself:
“It’s not that bad.”
“They’re just wounded too.”
“I should be more patient.”
But inside?
You’re drained.
You’re resentful.
You’re disappearing.
Empathy without boundaries isn’t love.
It’s self-abandonment.
If you think the solution is to understand them better - you’re looking in the wrong direction.
You don’t need another reason to forgive their mistreatment.
You need permission to feel your own pain.
To honor your own needs.
To protect your own energy.
Because healing doesn’t start when you explain someone else’s wounds.
It starts when you stop minimizing your own.
In my work with women entrepreneurs and leaders, I see this pattern all the time:
the most empathetic women are often the ones who lose themselves fastest.
Here’s how you start changing it today:
• When someone hurts you, pause. Don’t explain. Feel first.
• Ask yourself: What am I feeling right now? Not about them - about me.
• Practice small, clear boundaries without apology.
• Remember: You can care about someone and still choose yourself.
(Research shows that high-empathy individuals without strong boundaries have significantly higher rates of emotional burnout and relationship dissatisfaction. Source: Psychology Today.)
Empathy is a gift - but only when it’s balanced with self-worth.
Let’s make it real:
Ask yourself today:
“When was the last time I chose myself instead of understanding someone else first?”
Feel it. Write it down. That’s where your shift begins
Invigorate